Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for a number of years.
I’m not what you would call “hot” — far from it, actually.
But for some reason, women have always been attracted to me.

It doesn’t matter where I work, there always seems to be some
woman coming on to me. I have never cheated on my wife –
never! I have always told the interested party that I’m
married and love my wife and kids, and would never do any-
thing to destroy what we have.

About a year ago, my wife and I hit a rough spot. I met a
woman who was having problems with her boyfriend. We were
attracted to each other and became quite close. We never did
anything physically. We never spoke of love, and both recog-
nized that we were only infatuated.

My problem is this is the first time I was really tempted. I
resisted, thank God, but feel terribly guilty about it. My
head says telling my wife would help relieve my guilt, but
nothing else. Ultimately, it would hurt her.

Because nothing actually “happened,” should I listen to my
head, or should I go with my heart, which says to tell her
everything? This is eating me up inside.
– CONSUMED BY GUILT IN N.Y.

DEAR CONSUMED: Perhaps it’s time to take a good look at your
conduct at work and the kind of signals you’re sending to
female co-workers. For one or two of them to come on to you
might be accidental in a lifetime. But if they’re coming on
to you in droves as you suggest, it’s because you’re sending
out signals that you’re available.

I see nothing to be gained by telling your wife that you
“almost” committed adultery. To do so will only create insec-
urity where once she had complete confidence. Nothing hap-
pened, and for that you are to be commended. Because you feel
the need to expiate your guilt, confide in a trusted relig-
ious adviser who will keep your confidence. And please stop
flirting with danger, or you WILL get burned.

DEAR ABBY: To my grown children’s dismay, I am in love with
a man who is in prison for murder. He still has a lot of time
left to serve, and I’m older than he is.

I send him money — my money — and write him almost daily.
My son thinks I’m “wasting my time,” but I am happy. Any
opinion?
– MARY IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR MARY: If you are happy, then far be it from me to rain
on your parade. However, I must caution you. Inmates have
been known to write to multiple “pen pals,” involving them
in romances and milking them for money. If you wish to con-
tinue with this arrangement, please do it with your eyes wide
open.

DEAR ABBY: Our first child is nearly a year old, and I am
planning his first birthday party. My in-laws and my parents
do not get along, and my in-laws have threatened not to come
if my parents are present.

My husband and I have made it clear that we do not agree with
this. We feel they should be able to put aside their differ-
ences for one day for the sake of their grandchild. Should we
bend to their stubbornness and have two separate birthday
parties — one for each side of the family?
– TORN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TORN: Absolutely not. To do so would set a terrible
precedent. Make sure your husband’s parents know the time and
place of the celebration and that they are welcome. If they
choose not to attend, then so be it.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order
“How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send a business-size, self-
addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S.
funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447,
Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)