Dear Abby

MAN’S DISTANCE FROM MOTHER IS CAUSE FOR WIFE’S CONCERN

ABBY: My wife thinks I have a problem because I do not have
a close relationship with my mother. We go for weeks without
talking or seeing each other, and it doesn’t bother me.
Since I was about 13, my parents were hardly ever around.
My mom was a workaholic, and my dad was an alcoholic, so I
became totally self-sufficient.

Now I am 21, and I’m not bothered that I have little
contact with my mother. I acknowledge that she gave me life,
but that’s where it ends. I would like to know your thoughts
about all this.
– NO REGRETS, SAN ANGELO, TEXAS

NO REGRETS: It’s sad that at such an important time in
your life you had no parents to talk to. But this wasn’t
your mother’s fault. With an alcoholic husband — who I’m
guessing had trouble with employment — and a son to
provide for, it’s not surprising that she became a
“workaholic.” It may have been a necessity.

I would be curious to know what kind of relationship you
have with your father. While it’s regrettable that you
have so little communication with your mother, if this
has been the pattern that was set since you were 13, it
is also understandable. Your wife means well, but she
should not “stir the pot.”

ABBY: My husband and I have no children but have had two
dogs since we became a couple. This year, our two 13-year-
old Dalmatians passed away within four months of each
other. We are grieving but realize our “children” are in
a better, pain-free place.

Our vets and physical therapists played an extremely
active role during their lives and after their passing.
Although it’s their “job,” what is the appropriate way
to acknowledge the love and extra efforts they put into
caring for our dogs? (One vet even gave me her cell number.)
– SORROWFUL IN RENO, NEV.

SORROWFUL: You could make a donation in their honor to an
animal-related cause. However, no tangible item you could
give them would mean as much as a personal letter thanking
them for their caring, support and professionalism during
this difficult time. It’s something that could be read and
re-read over the years, or even framed. And I’m sure either
gesture would be appreciated.

ABBY: I am 26 and lived with “Mackie” for three years.
Although we were not legally married, I referred to him
as “my husband.”

We have now split up. I refer to this as “the divorce,”
and the time we were together as “when we were married.”
My conservative mother seems to understand why I do this.
However, others choose to correct me — rather rudely.

My question is, what would you call this? And what do I
say to those who feel the need to tell me how I should
attribute an event in my life?
– SINGLE NOW, IN MISSISSIPPI

SINGLE NOW: As much as you loved “Mackie” and “felt” married
while you were together, the reality is that you were not
legally married. I agree that when couples end their
relationships — married or not — it is a divorce in the
emotional sense. And my Webster’s New World Dictionary,
Third College Edition, defines divorce as “any complete
separation or disunion.” So you’re half-right. Tell them
that the divorce was as painful as if you’d had a marriage
license, and let it go at that.