Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a long-distance relationship with
my girlfriend, “Elli,” for two years. We haven’t seen each
other for almost six months, and now she has decided she
wants time apart.

Our relationship was suffering during my last year of grad-
uate school because I wasn’t able to give Elli the time she
deserved. Now I have graduated and have a job that gives me
more time to dedicate to her.

She decided when I relocated that she would not move to the
city with me. She says she wants to keep me in her life, but
she “needs space” to find herself. We schedule chats on the
phone and try to avoid discussing the status of our relat-
ionship, but we usually end up arguing and crying.

I suggested visiting her now that I can afford to, so we can
talk through our differences in person, but Elli says it
would be too much for her to bear. She says she loves me and
that she’s doing this for the good of both of us. I miss her
terribly. I think about her constantly, but I don’t want to
smother her and have her resent me. Is there more going on
here than meets the eye?
– OUT IN THE COLD IN D.C.

DEAR OUT IN THE COLD: Yes, there probably is. When someone
you haven’t seen in six months tells you that you need more
time apart, it means that she isn’t as committed to having
a relationship as you are. She may love you, but the
question is, is she still IN love with you? The next time
you chat, ask her that.

Please realize that when someone says seeing you would be
too much to bear, it sends a strong message — regardless of
whether or not it’s the one you want to hear.

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DEAR ABBY: I am writing about a change I have seen in church.
I accept the loud guitar music and informal settings, al-
though I do miss the traditional hymns and formal altars.

What I cannot get used to is the forced “friendly” greeting
and handshaking. I attend church to meditate and worship
with my family. I do not go to shake hands with strangers
and give them a greeting dictated by a pastor.

I like people. I am naturally caring, outgoing and friendly.
However, I believe that a greeting or handshake should come
from my own heart.

I have mentioned this to friends and family from all faiths,
ages and walks of life. None of them like this scheduled
“greeting” either. Many say they head for the restroom at
that time, turn their backs or just shake hands with the
people they came with, come to church late to avoid it, or
don’t come at all. Others feel the practice is unsanitary.

I suggest that church leaders take an anonymous poll and ask
how many in their congregations agree with me. What do you
think, Abby?
– MINISTER’S DAUGHTER, CAYUCOS, CALIF.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Thank you for asking my opinion. Here it is:
Something is wrong in our fragmented society if, for one
moment in a house of God, people cannot find it in their
hearts to reach out and make sure that everyone feels in-
cluded and welcome. And for those who fear it is unsanitary
– bring small bottles of hand sanitizer.

DEAR ABBY: What is a polite way to let someone know that
reading a book in your company, when you have been invited
to visit, is offensive?
– NOT A BOOKWORM

DEAR NOT: Picking up a book and reading in the face of a
guest is a not very subtle hint that you have overstayed
your welcome. And the appropriate response should be, “Well,
I’ll get going now,” followed by a hasty exit.