Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, “Carol,” doesn’t wash her hands
after changing diapers. I find it repulsive, and I can’t
help but cringe. I have also noticed that her kids don’t
wash their hands after using the bathroom — or any other
time, for that matter — unless instructed to do so and
closely watched. Even then, they don’t use soap.

Carol wonders why her family is always sick. If I say any-
thing to her, I’m sure she’ll become defensive or dismiss it
as the cause of their illness. Is there a polite, yet firm,
way to say something?
– INCREASINGLY GERMOPHOBIC, KENOSHA, WIS.

DEAR GERMOPHOBIC: The idea that Carol would change a diaper
and then prepare meals for the family is, frankly, nausea-
ting.

Sometimes there is no polite way to say something, so my
advice is to be direct. There is a reason why hospitals con-
stantly impress upon their staff the importance of washing
their hands. Years ago, my mother described a poster she saw
in the halls of a major hospital. It depicted a silhouette
of two outstretched hands, fingers apart. The caption read,
“The 10 most frequent causes of disease. Remember to wash
your hands.” Repeat this to your sister-in-law, and maybe
she’ll get the message.

DEAR ABBY: I’m the unofficial event planner in my office. I
am the one who makes sure people’s birthdays are celebrated
and comes up with occasional fun events like potlucks. Some-
times I buy everyone pizza (on the company) to keep morale
up. I am not management, but I think doing this is important.

Last week my birthday came and went. Abby, not one person
remembered! A co-worker from another department got me a
card, but no one in my area even mentioned it. I am so
bummed.

I remember everyone’s birthday and make a big deal out of
it with cakes and candles. I’m hurt that they forgot mine.
It makes me want to stop being the party planner and do away
with birthday celebrations altogether. Is this childish? Or
should I just get over it and keep on keeping on?
– CRUSHED IN OHIO

DEAR CRUSHED: You wouldn’t be human if being overlooked
didn’t “smart.” However, it’s possible that because you have
assumed the responsibility of arranging the birthday recog-
nition, that everyone depends on you to let them know when
one is coming up.

Because this can be awkward when the birthday being celeb-
rated is your own, in the future, why not post a monthly
calendar in your office with the various birthdays written
in — including yours? Also, because you were forgotten
this year, tell someone besides me! Guilt can work miracles.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a checking account with his
daughter-in-law. I have told him that I don’t like it and
feel that it is disrespectful, but he refuses to change it.
We do not have a joint account. How should I take this?
– MISTREATED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MISTREATED: This is hardly a vote of confidence in your
fiscal responsibility. I’m sorry you didn’t elaborate further
on the financial arrangements in your marriage. I, too,
wonder why he would want his daughter-in-law to have access
to his money while keeping it out of your reach.

However, because you signed your letter “Mistreated,” it
appears you have more problems in your relationship than
money, and perhaps if you work those out, the money issue
will resolve itself.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most
frequently requested — poems and essays, send a business-
sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order
for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Keepers Booklet, P.O.
Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included
in the price.)