Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: Now that the year-end holidays are here, I find
myself once again in the sometimes difficult position of
having to explain to acquaintances and co-workers why I
don’t celebrate them.

I am single. My parents died many years ago, and I have no
family. My only surviving sibling and his wife are both
alcoholics who drink to excess over the holidays and cause
tension in their family. I have attended Al-Anon meetings,
and because I refused to look the other way while they were
drinking, I was cut off.

Co-workers take time off at Christmas, but I take mine at
other times of the year. Over time, I have found that I
would rather spend a so-called holiday catching up on
correspondence, taking a walk, reading a good book or sewing.
Outside of work or professional organizations, I do not do
anything about the year-end holidays. I understand the re-
ligious and historical significance of these celebrations
and keep them in my heart, but do not observe them in a
visible manner. This is my choice.

When people ask me what I’m doing for the holidays, it is an
awkward moment. How can I gracefully explain that I choose
to keep the holidays in my heart only and enjoy the day as
a small vacation for myself?
– LONG BEACH LONER

DEAR LONER: You need no advice from me. Your last sentence
expresses your sentiments beautifully.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 6 feet 2 inches, weigh 240 pounds and can
bench-press 400 pounds. I practice martial arts and shoot
firearms for recreation and competition on weekends. I gen-
erally keep my social life to myself unless I am specif-
ically asked because people have made jokes at my expense in
the past.

I have worked for the same company for 10 years, and have
not only mastered every aspect of my job but also trained
most of my co-workers and their supervisors.

Recently, a supervisor’s position opened up, and many thought
I was going to get it. A friend was hired instead. He apolo-
gized to me, then told me about things that had been said
about me behind my back. Apparently, I’ll never become a
supervisor because “people don’t respect me; they fear me.”
Also, they are “afraid I’ll lose it and kill everyone.”

I have no idea what to say or do with this information. I
can’t change who I am, and I can’t change the way others see
me after all this time. What would you suggest I do to get
myself promoted?
– GENTLE GIANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR GENTLE GIANT: It is important that you find out whether
what your friend told you is true. While your physique may be
imposing, after 10 years at the company your co-workers
should be familiar enough with your temperament to know that
you do not pose a threat of “losing it.”

Ask your employer why you were passed up for the promotion
and if it’s true that you have advanced as far as you can
with the company. If the answer is yes, then you should
look for a job with more opportunity for advancement else-
where.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting
along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should
Know.” To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed
envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby — Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris,
IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)