Dear Abby

GRANDPARENTS’ TIPPLING IS CAUSING COUPLE CONCERN

DEAR ABBY: My parents recently took my kids for a “day with
Grandma and Grandpa.” My children are 5 and 3. When they
returned home, they were driven by one of my siblings with
Grandma in tow. My sibling stated that he was the “designated
driver.”

My husband and I are extremely upset that my parents chose
to drink when they had our children in their care, and so
extensively that they needed someone else to get the children
home safely. We’d like to discuss this with them and ask
them not to consume alcohol when our children are with them.
However, we are hesitant because of the conflict this may
cause, and are concerned that they will feel that we’re
attacking them.

How should we approach this — or is it best not to express
our concern?
– VACILLATING IN ARIZONA

DEAR VACILLATING: Vacillate no more and stop worrying about
the “conflict” speaking up might cause. As a parent, it is
your ultimate responsibility to ensure the safety of your
children. Unless you establish firm ground rules and can be
absolutely sure that your children are cared for in a sober,
responsible environment, your children should not be unsuper-
vised around their grandparents. Anything less is child
endangerment.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column since I was in
high school. Many of the topics you discuss have been very
helpful. Now I have a question and thought you could give
me some advice.

When a lady tries on clothes in the dressing room, but does
not wish to buy them, should she leave them in the dressing
room or put them back on the rack?
– MELANIE FROM OKLAHOMA

DEAR MELANIE: The garments should be left in the dressing
room, replaced neatly on the hangers on which they were
displayed. Sadly, sometimes customers leave the clothing in
a messy pile on the floor, which means the salesperson must
then hang them up so they can be displayed again. Such
thoughtlessness is tacky.

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 23-year-old female and what you would call
a “serial monogamist.” I don’t understand how I got this
way, but I just love being in a relationship.

My curse is that I constantly wish to be back with my exes.
I idealize the past and “forget” the negative things that
made me cheat on or leave them.

I know that if I leave my current boyfriend, I’ll just want
to get back with him in the future. It’s a weird, vicious
cycle that causes me a lot of guilt and regret. How do I get
over the past and appreciate the present?
– MIXED UP IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR MIXED UP: You may think you “love” being in a relation-
ship, but it may be time to take a long, hard look at how
you really feel about intimacy. It appears that every time
you get close to a man you feel compelled to do something
to destroy the romance. This boyfriend may — or may not –
be someone you’d like to spend the rest of your life with.
But unless you understand what drives you to cheat on a
partner or dump him, the pattern will continue to repeat
itself. Counseling might give you insight, and I recommend
it.