March 18, 2010

DEAR ABBY: I’m writing to encourage “Wants to Do Right by
Mama” (Jan. 25) to honor her mother’s final wishes regarding
her burial attire and the position of her body. Several years
ago, I sat down with my parents and we talked about their
wishes for when they die. We discussed everything from the
distribution of their assets to the type of funerals they
want. I learned that my father would like a large tombstone,
which is something I never knew, so I asked him to draw up
exactly what he had in mind.

Mom and Dad have already written their obituaries for the
newspaper. Mom listed all the songs to be played at her ser-
vice and the flowers she wants. We visited funeral homes,
and discussed coffins and services, etc. Since then, they
have changed their minds several times and have now decided
they prefer cremation. Everything is written down and I sent
copies to my brother, who lives out of town. Both of us want
to respect our parents’ wishes.

It wasn’t as difficult as we thought it would be, and when
the time comes and everyone is emotionally spent, the ar-
rangements will already be in place.
– JIM IN CHESTERFIELD, MO.

DEAR JIM: I congratulate you for having that important dis-
cussion with your parents. A number of readers commented on
that letter. Their remarks made me smile, so I’ll share.
Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My father wanted to be buried without any clothes
on and without his dentures. His reasoning was he came into
the world naked and toothless, and he wanted to go out the
same way. To my brother’s dismay, Daddy got his wish. He was,
however, covered discreetly by a lovely blue sheet.
– MISSING DADDY

DEAR ABBY: My children know for a fact that if I’m ever un-
able to care for myself, they’ll have to pluck out my chin
hairs. Whether I’m in a nursing home or in a coffin, if
there are any coarse hairs sprouting from my chin, I’ll come
back and haunt them.
– MARTHA IN GREEN BAY

DEAR ABBY: When we buried my mother, Dad realized his burial
plot next to hers would be so close to the road that visitors
might drive over it or park on his grave. So he requested
that when he was interred, a nail be placed in his fist so
he could reach up and pop their tires. When he passed away
last August, we gave him the largest nail we could find.
– DADDY’S DAUGHTER

DEAR ABBY: Our mother saved her favorite square dancing out-
fit for when the angels called her, and we honored her wishes
when she passed away a few months ago at the age of 89. She
was completely decked out in her dress, right down to the
“full” slip, shoes and six-shooter earrings. We miss her
terribly, but can’t help smiling when we think of her in her
dress.
– DID RIGHT BY MAMA, OTHELLO, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: My great-grandma also requested that she be buried
in her pajamas, but said she also wanted a fork placed in her
hands. We could understand the pajamas — given the “long
sleep” — but the fork had us stumped. She explained that
when dishes were cleared after family dinners when she was
growing up and dessert was on its way, her father would say,
“Hold onto your fork, the best is yet to come!”

We did as my great-grandmother asked, and it helped those of
us who were grieving to remember that she’s now enjoying her
“just desserts.”
– HOLDING TIGHT TO MY FORK, SIOUX FALLS, S.D.